The meticulous, deadpan Wikipedia entry about McDonaldland is my new favorite internet writing. Consider the section on Grimace:
Grimace: A large, purple character who was first introduced in November 1971 as the “Evil Grimace”. In Grimace’s first two appearances, he was depicted with two pairs of arms with which to steal milkshakes. “Evil” was soon dropped from Grimace’s moniker, and Grimace was reintroduced in 1972 as one of the good guys. In 1974 Grimace was redesigned, going from two pairs of arms to the single pair he had later. Grimace’s role continued to grow, and by the mid-1970s, he was a major character in McDonaldland. Commercials and merchandise generally portrayed Grimace as a well-meaning simpleton whose clumsy antics provided a comic foil to Ronald McDonald. His appearance changed to reflect this characteristic in 1985, from a giant purple slob with a pink mouth and small pupils to a gentle giant with movable eyebrows and eyelids, and a kid-friendlier smile with a black mouth and a pink tongue. The character was retained after the streamlining of the characters in the 1980s, and soon details of Grimace’s background and family life began to emerge. The character’s Uncle O’Grimacey first appeared in 1986 and would visit only one month per year, around St. Patrick’s Day, bringing Shamrock Shakes. Additional family were revealed in a McDonaldland VHS tape The Legend of Grimace Island: Grimace had an unnamed mom, an unnamed dad, a grandma named “Winky”, a great-great grandma named Jenny Grimace, and might have had a brother named “King John Bailey”, who was the king of all Grimaces. In “Grimace’s Odyssey”, Grimace was portrayed as a ham radio enthusiast who used a homemade transmitter made from a colander.
Grimace “might” have had a brother named King John Bailey—but then again, maybe not. Also, ham radio.
Read the rest here.
I would hire this writer on the spot.